The Princess's Journal
by LeaderLoverLost
Summary: Leia's journal during the trip to Bespin. Part of my Bespin and Beyond series.
1. Day 3, Entry 1

**AN: This is Leia's journal during the trip to Bespin, through which I have tried to present their days but just through her eyes. These first few are a little awkward in their style as, 1) I have never been able to keep a journal myself, and 2) I am not going to do any editing at this time other than spelling, grammar and such. Also, this starts on the 3rd day of the trip as, in my mind, the majority of the first 2 days is portrayed in the movie.**

**The characters aren't mine but some of the situations I threw them into came entirely from my imagination with no other sources involved. **

**Enjoy!**

**-LLL/LOS**

* * *

DAY 3

ENTRY 1

Wow, look at me, writing in a journal.

Woo!

Well, I guess if it helps my sanity it's not bad. Though if the "Captain" is any indication, my sanity will be the least of my worries, since I'll be worrying about my life.

Oh there he is knocking on his…my door, telling me dinner's ready. Wish me luck little journal.

* * *

Dinner was…okay, considering Han was there. Chewie actually made us a rather good stew, which is amazing since I've never liked stew.

Chewie tried to get our minds off things by suggesting we maybe stick 3P0 in the cockpit to watch and maybe put a holo in. The look on Han's face was priceless. He HATES 3P0. Eventually we got him to agree to it. I came in to use the fresher while they got the holos out to see what we're gonna watch.

I figure I should say that Han is letting me use his cabin, and he's sleeping in the crew quarters, which is new for him. Usually I just sleep in the crew quarters.

I better go before he wonders what I'm up to.

* * *

We watched _DEMI ROW_ and I can truthfully say, I have no clue what happened in the whole thing because I was watching Han and Chewie and just thinking.

I remember the first time I saw that holo, when I was at the university. A friend got it right after it came out, and I'm pretty sure I liked it then but I don't know.

The holo was over before I knew it and Han caught me staring at him. But instead of his usual teasing he just smiled and told me good night.

He's never really been like this before so why is he doing it now?

I don't think I will ever understand that man.


	2. Day 4, Entry 2

DAY 4

ENTRY 2

At least there's someone here with some sense. As I said before; Han hates 3P0, so when 3P0 does something wrong Han begins threatening him with all kinds of things. This started after breakfast while Han and Chewie were working on repairs and I was washing the stuff from breakfast. 3P0 said something about some part or another and Han just let him have it, saying the he told him to go to the cockpit and watch before I got up there. Then he told 3P0 that he would make him a part of the hull permanently.

Chewie who had finally had enough with the 2 of them, told them both to shut up and do what they were supposed to. Which, surprisingly, they both did.

How are we going to get through 20 more days of this?

* * *

I don't know why I waited until now to start this journal, though it's only 4 days in I still feel like I've left a lot out.

So to be fair to my conscience I'll give an over view of the first 2 days; escaping from Hoth, fighting, running from and hiding from the Imperials, repairing the _Falcon, _Han and I arguing…that's pretty much…

Oh, I almost forgot (not likely,) Han kissed me in the Circuitry bay.

Yes, Han Solo, the smuggler, the scoundrel, the stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking nerfherder kissed me.

I'm serious when I say I'll never understand him.


	3. Day 6, Entry 3

**AN: This one's short for a few reasons; 1) Leia's ranting, 2) she thinks she's insane, and 3) I had no clue where I was going with this**

* * *

DAY 6

ENTRY 3

I realized yesterday that I probably shouldn't be writing this. It's not like I'm writing about the Rebellion or anything so the Empire couldn't really use it, but if Han found it, I would probably die.

In other news, Han kissed me again (I think I'm starting to enjoy it), we've almost finished the repairs we can do, and we'll be eating rations in a week. (Joy)

You're probably wondering what happened yesterday, right?

Who am I kidding, I'm pretending to talk to an inanimate object, not that anyone would be interested in my life anyway.

As for what happened yesterday, nothing.

If you were a real person, you'd be bored to death, and you'd be eating our food, and then we'd be eating rations sooner.

You know what? I don't think this is good for my mental health (though some already think I'm unstable), I'm acting like I'm talking to a real person, and you, little datapad, are not a person!

Oh, look, I've run the battery almost dead with my ranting…

And I say I'll never understand Han…


	4. Day 7, Entry 4

**AN: Is it just me or does this seem like a really long chapter for this story?**

* * *

DAY 7

ENTRY 4

I found out Han has a journal! (Maybe I'm not the only one.)

It's in the logs and 3P0 said he could get me in during my watch.

You write about me, Han. You care, you worry, it says so in your journal. We're so different…yet so similar, and yet we don't get along.

3P0 didn't give me your password so don't worry, I won't be reading any again. It just feels nice to know you care enough to write about me.

I think I'm going soft.

* * *

Kriff.

You found out 3P0 was in the logs. What if he tells you he showed them to me?

Oh no. You asked him why he was in the, I fear his answer.

"I thought they might be of service to Princess Leia," he says.

Kriff.

* * *

You pinned me up against the wall. Chewie and 3P0 took off and I was left with nowhere to go.

I was scared and you were so mad. You wanted to know why I was in the logs. I told you 3P0 offered to show them to me.

You believed me but you didn't let me go.

"But Princess," you said. "that's not fair."

I didn't understand and I was shaking like the other day.

You said it would only be fair if you got to read some of my journal.

So you've noticed.

I said no.

You asked what I would offer in return.

What? NOTHING!

You said it wasn't fair again.

I'm stuck on this bucket of bolts with you! Isn't that enough?!

You smiled.

No, you whispered.

Oh Gods.

I was scared of you, of us, of myself. You had trapped me once again and I couldn't run from you or these emotions.

And then you kissed me, but it was so different from last time and I enjoyed it so much more.

And then you pulled away and I felt…lost.

Why do you do this to me, Han?

Will it ever end?

Who am I kidding? You're leaving, of course it's going to end.

I think I'm falling in love with you.


	5. Day 8, Entry 5

DAY 8

ENTRY 5

I stared writing this like I'm writing to you, Han. Something must be wrong with me. I knew I'd go insane. And you're driving me to it.

Oh, Han, I can't stop staring at you.

You caught me watching you. Woops.

But instead of making some remark you just smiled, and I laughed.

You just told me you like the sound of my laugh. Gods, I feel like a school girl with her first crush. If smiles could be written then I wouldn't bother with these words.

Oh Gods, I'm in love with Han Solo.

* * *

If you ever read this, Han, I swear I'll die. Really, I will. No, I won't, because you're not going to read this.

NEVER.

EVER.

Why would you read it? How would you get in? My password's not that hard, but still…

I give up.

* * *

Stop looking at me like that. It's maddening.

I wish I could tell you how I feel.

Nerfherder.


	6. Day 9, Entry 6

DAY 9

ENTRY 6

I love you.

That's the only way to say it. Now how do I say it to your face?

I saw you put your password into the logs today, Han. What does 'LOS' mean?

LOS…LO…L…

Is it my initials, Han?

Are you implying that we would marry?

Surprisingly, I almost like the idea.

Who am I?

* * *

I asked you about it. You said it gave you hope. Hope that one of us will have a future.

I asked about the 'S', you said it could be anything.

Do you understand how much hope you've given me?

Somewhere along the way you decided one of us should have a future, a chance at life after the Empire, and you didn't choose yourself. You chose me.

* * *

Does the 'S' mean 'Solo'? 'Skywalker'?

HA! Me marrying Luke! Like that could happen. He's too innocent, too young. I would corrupt him.

But you…you've already begun to corrupt me.

If only things were different.


	7. Day 10, Entry 7

DAY 10

ENTRY 7

Dang Imperials! They think they can just float around in space anywhere they want!

Oh…wait, they can! The OWN the KRIFFING GALAXY!

To explain my most recent anger at the Imperials I guess you should know about what happened this morning; we were just flying along at this slow, sublight speed we've been going along at for, oh, 10 days, when we saw the Imperials again. Thankfully they didn't notice us and moved on, but it still had us on edge.

* * *

I was thinking about your password again, Han. It seems everything I think about is connected to you. I have moved on from schoolgirl crush to…whatever's next. Gods, I'm crazy.

* * *

Nothing else much to talk about tonight, other than the real food we had for dinner.

Maybe things will be okay.


	8. Day 11, Entry 8

**AN: From about here on things start to get a bit darker as it was only through watching ESB again that I finished this. I personally feel that that had an effect on my writing as I knew where I had to take it from there. There's maybe one awkward part left to stumble through before Bespin so enjoy.**

* * *

DAY 11

ENTRY 8

I had a nightmare last night, and you came to comfort me, Han. And my nightmares didn't come back after that.

I'm still confused as to how we both wound up in the same bed, the bed where I've been sleeping by myself until this morning. Your bed.

I wonder now why I wasn't sleeping on the _Falcon_ while we were on Hoth. I could have been warm and dreamless, or rather nightmare less. Why haven't I thought of this before?

I could have been safe in the arms of my confidant. The man who's proven that I'm not some lifeless droid by making me so angry that the name 'Ice Princess' is the complete opposite of who I am.

Maybe I've needed to be here all along. Maybe this is where everyone has been pushing me all these years. Though if they were trying to get me to be passionate about something that's just mine I doubt this is what they had in mind.

Of course, things can only get worse from here.


	9. Day 14, Entry 9

DAY 14

ENTRY 9

I'm nuts. Crazy. Cracked up. Out of it. A mess. I've lost it. Or I never even had it…

That's not the point.

He's driving me nuts.

I do like him though.

OK, _love_ him.

THAT'S NOT THE POINT EITHER!

All he has to do is _look_ at me. It makes me crazy.

* * *

I HATE HIM! HE RUINS EVERYTHING!

I TRY TO HELP AND HE YELLS AT ME FOR DOING IT WRONG!

IT'S NOT MY FAULT THIS SHIP IS SO MESSED UP AND BACKWARDS!

And just when I thought everything was going right…

I thought I loved him…


	10. Day 18, Entry 10

DAY 18

ENTRY 10

Things are better between Han and I but it's still pretty tense.

I'm just scared. I don't know how to react since he screamed at me like that. And then almost 4 days of silence between us.

I'm really scared. Scared of me, of him, of us.

Some great rebel leader I am. I can face Darth Vader himself and not show the tiniest bit of fear but all of this scares me to death. Han scares me to death.

And, if I'm being honest with myself, which I don't really feel like doing, I'm scaring myself too.


	11. Day 20, Entry 11

DAY 20

ENTRY 11

We're so close I don't even want to think about it. I don't want to think about what'll happen when we finally leave here and get to the rendezvous. Will he just leave and forget me?

No.

He promised.

A lot of people have promised you things though, Leia. Don't trust him just because he promised.

Great, now I'm back to talking to myself.

* * *

We should reach Bespin tomorrow at midday, evening at the latest.

The glow of the city is hidden behind the clouds.

A city in the clouds. If I were one of those romantic people I'd be thinking about how this is _so_ _romantic._ And Han would think I'm a lunatic.

I still can't shake the feeling that something's wrong.


	12. Day 23, Final Entry

**AN: It took months of writing the first time and about 2 months to even upload it this time but here you go. The events of _The Last Night_ aren't included since it's going to be it's own story so that'll come around eventually.**

* * *

DAY 23

FINAL ENTRY

I love him.

Really, I do.

And we _will _find him. I am _not_ giving him up without a fight.

I love him. I have to find him.

***SAVE ***

***ENCRYPT ***


End file.
